Death Perception

I had an awkward experience at work yesterday, which has me wanting to change our society, yet again. I work with an amazing group of people. We have a great deal of fun joking and playing around, which lightens up an otherwise rather oppressive environment. One of the ongoing things is “your momma” references and jokes. Yesterday, dear Brandon, who is as nice and good-natured as can be, pulled a “your momma” on me, to which I replied that she would “haunt you for that one.” Brandon then said, “what, is she dead?” I don’t know why I assumed he’d know. I guess he started working soon after my mom’s death so he didn’t go through that with me, but it’s certainly not a secret. When I said to him that yes, she actually WAS dead, he was, pardon the expression, mortified. Then I felt terrible, because I certainly didn’t feel bad that he’d said anything. Death is simply a state of being, an adjective… I wouldn’t have been offended if he’d said, “what, is she blonde?” or “what, is she Cambodian?” Dead is simply what she is. Why is that such a taboo subject? I can tell that I sometimes make people a little uncomfortable when I refer to my mom. They don’t know what to say, or how to react. Is it wrong to remember something funny my mom said a mere 7 months ago and laugh about it? Or joke about funerals? Or on a more somber note, to whisper into the ear of an animal who is just leaving this life to go and find her and kiss her for me? Maybe being light-hearted about it is a way of coping, but I think that for one of the two sure things that each person will do in life (birth being the other), we are too afraid of death. We need to be able to talk about death like we talk about grocery shopping or moving, or doing yoga. We are all going to do it. We all know someone close to us who did, or will, die. This is not to say that the sting is not there. It hurts. It really hurts. But it IS. Death can’t be changed, it can’t be reversed, it can’t be avoided. So lets laugh and find joy, and not be afraid to talk about it!!