You’re at the grocery store and you are in line behind “that person” who is not only dressed in frumpy pajamas and red Crocs, with a SCRUNCHIE in their unwashed hair, even though it is early afternoon, but is also purchasing random things like vinegar, milk, and glass cleaner. And then their card is declined and you have to wait while they embarrassedly count out ones and dimes, trying to cover the cost of those strange groceries.
You’re sitting in church and you see “that person” wearing the same rather unfortunate long skirt and too-big sweater. The same she was wearing last week. And that sweater… it has seen better days. It’s obviously a little bit cheap, it’s covered in fuzzy pills and bits of animal hair in more than one shade. You wonder why she doesn’t “try a little harder” or take better care of her low-priced clothes. They are clean, but beginning to look pretty shabby. And there could certainly be a better choice of footwear.
You pull up next to “that person” at a red light and notice that their decades-old car has obviously not been washed by anything other than sprinklers or rain in months. The dirt and water-spots do help mask some of the scratches and dents. You can hear the loud, idling engine that could obviously use a tune-up. You can see the random things thrown on the back seat, multiple empties in the cup holder, and mismatched seat-covers that are obviously covering worn VINYL seats, although they may actually be worse than the naked, cold seats they loosely cover.
You are attending a festive party, and there is “that person,” the one who doesn’t really fit in with the crowd. The one who came all alone, dressed in not-quite-appropriate attire, and awkwardly trying to blend into the curtains in order to avoid being noticed and thereby, well, noticed.
You are standing behind “that person” and notice the ragged ends of un-cut hair… the frazzled result of months of neglect. Why not just get a haircut? Why not color that becoming-more-noticeable gray that shows along the crooked, careless part. Why wouldn’t “that person” do such a simple thing?
Because it’s the holidays, you consider “that person” who is alone. You know “that person” isn’t pathetically alone, but there is no one to help decorate the tree, no one to share a cup of hot chocolate. No one to shovel the walks so they can stay inside on this freezing morning. They are capable. They are able. “That person” CAN do it alone.
You know there must be something wrong with “that person.” No one is single at that age unless there is SOMETHING wrong. People don’t remain alone by choice, even if it’s not a conscious choice, right? After all, look around… even “those people” found each other, and who in the world could love them? Obviously “that person” is so defective that they will remain alone.
You aren’t totally disgusted by “that person” but to be totally honest, you’re a little uncomfortable with the mess in the house. Why won’t “that person” just take a little time to clean up more? Why doesn’t “that person” get rid of some of the extra stuff? Do you really feel comfortable eating something prepared in that kitchen? There aren’t rats and roaches, but those cabinet doors could use a good scrubbing and the glasses have water-spots.
You are not a bad person. You are reasonably educated, you are open-minded, you are tolerant. You wouldn’t consider yourself judgmental. But you are a realist. You are observant. You don’t really judge others, but you have a moment of being relieved that you aren’t “that person.”
The thing is, though, that in spite of how I may look at others, suddenly I realize that I AM “that person.”
